Entertainment Daily

Monday, July 29, 2013

BAND (verb)

1: to affix a band to or tie up with a band

2: to finish or decorate with a band

3: to gather together : unite

 

“It’ll take the zombie apocalypse to bring them together after this fight,” my mother said gleefully. She hated the neighbors with a passion only equaled by hipsters’ hate of pop music. Or my hate for exercise. And my mother, when she asked me to exercise. In fact, that’s the only reason I was indulging in her ridiculous hobby of Bay-Window-Watch. Weekdays, 5pm, central time. I was hoping it would distract her from forcing me to go dawdle outdoors all day. An hour would keep her busy until I could use “It’s getting dark” as a just-barely-valid excuse for not going out.

Secretly, I kind of like the neighbors. I’ve had neighbors like my mother where I live. So I had a sort of vindictive wish for them to band together in a show of marital harmony for at least The Hour, thereby keeping nosiness at bay (ha ha) one more day.

A sudden intake of breath brought me back to reality. “Ooh, she’s picked up a knife – I think she’s gonna throw it!” my mother was at the edge of her seat, almost rubbing her hands in excitement.

Alarmed, I looked over in earnest for the first time: she did have a kitchen knife raised in her hand. I took my phone out of my pocket to call 911 and fumbled with the screen lock. (Argh…I thought smartphones were supposed to make life easier!)

Just as I was about to punch the digits in, I heard another gasp, and then a deflated mutter. Looking up, I saw the couple with their arms around each other. My mother took off with a violent huff, her entertainment ruined. I stayed an extra fifteen minutes and kept an ear open all night, just in case. “I think I’m gonna drop by the neighbors’ tomorrow morning,” I said casually to Dad over dinner, “just to see how they’re doing.”