My Day(s)

Failed whistles,

Birmingham Sunday

And humidity breed

Disillusionment in the best of us.

Can you feel the crackling frustration emanating from my chest?

Can you feel the punch,

The swung fist,

Aimed at your head

In my head?

Do you feel how fake this all is?

Or is it

Just fake for me?

I hadn’t thought of that till now.

Maybe it’s just me.

Again.

But it was fun to sing today.

That was the highlight of the day –

Singing “Before He Cheats”

In my real voice –

It’s always good to speak

From my heart

And not from my heart>head>lips

That’s exactly why

It’s good to be high:

To get to talk

And not speak.

The soundtrack of 300,

Message for the Queen,

Fits my heart –

Strangled yodels

Why?

I know why.

Again.

Always again.

“Never again.”

Of course again.

And again.

And again.

What’s the point?

I know there is one. A good one.

I feel it in myself.

Life is preparation?

No.

It’s a depressing joke.

It’s a diorama

Where the grass tells the tree

I’m happy

And the tree blushes

With delight.

Darkness and solitude cloud my judgement;

Should I celebrate

Introversion to Extroversion

Or feel entirely keenly

The depression that depresses me?

Suddenly I hear

A happy word

Vocabulary reminiscent of childhood

And everything is

Uncontrollably,

Excitingly,

Filled-with-life-edly

Amazing

And exciting

And beautiful again.

Good.

I could live for that.

I could live for the breathtaking peaks.

And the love.

And the happiness.

I do live for it.

To New Beginnings

The title of my blog, “Wind and Laughter”, is what makes me feel most alive – what makes me me. So I went looking for the perfect place to write an alive-y post, and landed up sitting at my dining table – right smack dab in the middle of the house. (and then wondered for a moment whether that has a deeper meaning, that I feel alive only in the middle of things. Seems highly likely.) Anyway, I wanted this über-happy first post to sort of set this really happy keynote for my blog. So, cliché as it may seem, I settled for writing about beginnings.

I love to write, but, for several years now, I’ve settled for just knowing the fact that I can write. Never really found an outlet. So one day, I was just talking about writing with a friend (who also writes), and we made a sort of pact – each of us would write a blog for atleast the next semester, and, at the end, we would give each friend about 30 different blogs from which to pick out our own. So, me being typically me, I opened an account on tumblr, figment and wordpress…in the space of about a week. Started using the other two actually, then got sidetracked reblogging stuff. Yeah….so anyway, then I decided wordpress was where I’d actually write write, so now here I am. The actual beginning. Of this chapter at least.

Lemony Snicket’s “The Bad Beginning” keeps running through my head relentlessly as I write this (some things just demand to be written down), so I will, to use the phrase, pen one of his quotes down.

“Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.” 
― Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

As I write this, I’m smiling to think how much I’ve changed as a person – almost ten years ago,  I opened a diary my best friend at the time had given me with another of Lemony Snicket’s quotes: “The sad truth is that the truth is sad.” Although maybe I give myself too much credit – time and circumstances are probably to thank for soothing old wounds. And for being kind enough to give me enough good to make me see life with bright eyes again.

I want to feel alive again. I want to feel in control and in charge of my life. I want to be happy and help happiness multiply, as overstated an aim as that may be. But I will try. So here’s to new beginnings and happiness. And to life.