My Day(s)

Failed whistles,

Birmingham Sunday

And humidity breed

Disillusionment in the best of us.

Can you feel the crackling frustration emanating from my chest?

Can you feel the punch,

The swung fist,

Aimed at your head

In my head?

Do you feel how fake this all is?

Or is it

Just fake for me?

I hadn’t thought of that till now.

Maybe it’s just me.

Again.

But it was fun to sing today.

That was the highlight of the day –

Singing “Before He Cheats”

In my real voice –

It’s always good to speak

From my heart

And not from my heart>head>lips

That’s exactly why

It’s good to be high:

To get to talk

And not speak.

The soundtrack of 300,

Message for the Queen,

Fits my heart –

Strangled yodels

Why?

I know why.

Again.

Always again.

“Never again.”

Of course again.

And again.

And again.

What’s the point?

I know there is one. A good one.

I feel it in myself.

Life is preparation?

No.

It’s a depressing joke.

It’s a diorama

Where the grass tells the tree

I’m happy

And the tree blushes

With delight.

Darkness and solitude cloud my judgement;

Should I celebrate

Introversion to Extroversion

Or feel entirely keenly

The depression that depresses me?

Suddenly I hear

A happy word

Vocabulary reminiscent of childhood

And everything is

Uncontrollably,

Excitingly,

Filled-with-life-edly

Amazing

And exciting

And beautiful again.

Good.

I could live for that.

I could live for the breathtaking peaks.

And the love.

And the happiness.

I do live for it.

Advertisements

I Didn’t Choose the Nomadic Life: the Nomadic Life Chose Me

Daily Prompt: Rolling Stone

July 7, 2013

If you could live a nomadic life, would you? Where would you go? How would you decide? What would life be like without a “home base”?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TRAVEL.

The attraction of nomadic life is coincidentally the exact same reason why books with adolescent heroes are so popular. I read somewhere a few years ago that adolescence represents to us the best, most carefree part of life; a time without liabilities; a time when passion and energy are enough to move mountains; a time, in short, when there are no restrictions and anything is possible.

Nomadic life offers much the same – freedom from all your worldly cares. Just think for a moment: if you didn’t live in any fixed place, would you be worrying about the size of your neighbor’s house? about “keeping up with the Joneses”? about getting that dude back who parked so appallingly you had to wait an hour to get out of your spot? Would you even, I venture, worry about government? about whether you fit in? about why the latest celebrity-outcast decided to get a new hairdo? about whether your butt looks big in this?

No. I’m guessing we’d all be more concerned with our families. Maintaining relationships with those who matter; showing love. Appreciating (and treating with respect) nature. Doing whatever makes us happy, whether it’s touring that ancient city, climbing that mountain, starting a business, or learning to do that stupid thing that everyone thinks is a waste of time, but you’ve always wanted to do.

We love the idea of the nomadic way of life because it frees us of the unofficial constraints of society. Although we don’t live in Jane Austen’s world of mile-long lists of etiquette requirements and (miles-longer list) social faux pas, we still feel an obligation of sorts to deny ourselves happiness and instead plod along like everyone else; to deny ourselves happiness because others are too afraid to grab theirs, and sneer us into guilty inaction. Being a nomad would mean that we would have no obligations or responsibilities towards anyone or anything we didn’t wish to be held responsible to. Oh, and yes – you’d figure out how many of your Facebook friends you care about enough to actually stay in touch with. Har har.

Also, while on topic, I want to share an amazing photoblog a friend happened to recommend – it’s about a couple and their daughter who live like legit nomads. If you have a minute, check them out at http://www.theroadishome.com/.

Shaken awake in semi-darkness

My bleary eyes focus on light

Fighting into my room

And blinding me

Through the crack between door and carpet.

Parents’ voices, low and urgent,

Frantic with pre-travel panic

Yet strangely soothing:

I want to go back to sleep

But mom’s saying get up,

You can sleep in the car later.

Brush, shower, dress

Grab a pillow and your carry-on;

Let’s go.

I remember that plane rides are fun.

Love Until Injustice Do Us Part

Daily Prompt: Tagline

June 19, 2013

Often, our blogs have taglines. But what if humans did, too? What would your tagline be?

[http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/daily-prompt-tagline/]


Like everyone else in the world, I have my moods, and different parts of me surface around different people. Still, there are a few basic traits that I carry with me into every setting and scenario, and I’m guessing that’s a safe way to define the basic parameters of my personality and design a tagline. So here goes: I would like to believe that I am open-minded and give others the benefit of the doubt as far as is reasonable. I also tend to be open – I will tell you “I can’t tell you”, but I will not lie, whence springs my great dislike for hypocrisy and injustice. And, as loath as I am to admit it, I can forgive just about anything, but once my limits of forgiveness have been crossed, I detach myself. I will still care, but not allow myself to depend on the person concerned anymore. So, my tagline?

 

love until injustice do us part

Why I Hate Analgesics (But Love Being Sick)

Daily Prompt: Take Care

 June 11, 2013

When you’re unwell, do you allow others to take care of you, or do you prefer to soldier on alone? What does it take for you to ask for help?

The past few years, I made the decision to forego the use of painkillers of the cough-and-cold variety. I wanted to build up my own strength and tolerance levels. I believe that the existence of conveniences is not reason enough for their exploitation, and that sometimes the hard route is better in the long run. Recently, I was sick enough that I had to go against my personal rule and take some medication. It felt like I was bending somehow, and that’s when I realized that what I had thought was my way of becoming stronger was actually partly based in pride – not taking medicine made me feel like I was better somehow, stronger than those who did.

In general, when unwell, I shy away from help because I dislike feeling like a burden or that I’m inconveniencing anyone. I dislike being in anyone’s debt – again, pride.

It takes crippling “unwellness” for me to ask for help. Only when I am unable to function, or when there is something I need significantly more than my intact ego, do I turn to others for help. When I get help, however, it brings tears to my eyes. It makes me feel loved. It takes me back to my childhood when I loved falling sick, because it meant that my mother would feed me, take care of me, and in general make me feel loved. Help makes me believe the best of people again.

In the end I question myself: why do I dislike asking for help, really? Is it the pride, is it because I don’t want to burden anyone, or is it because I truly want to increase my physical pain threshold? Or maybe, and this just occurred to me, is it because I want to increase my emotional pain threshold? Because I don’t want to feel like a child, a dependant, don’t want to feel loved too often, don’t want to lose the preciousness, borne of rarity, of the relief that comes from knowing, with every cell in your body, that you’re loved.

Take care, Friend.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/daily-prompt-take-care/

Feeling Supplanted

Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Monster

Tell us about the last time you were really, truly jealous of someone. Did you act on it? Did it hurt your relationship? 

Photographers, show us something GREEN.

The first definition I found of the word ‘jealous’ online may not be the best, but it describes what it means to me perfectly.

Jealous: Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.

It’s a difficult thing to find people in this world to love and who love you in return. I had recently connected with someone on a very deep level; I felt almost as if we were one person. My best friend was going through her own problems at the time and was very lonely, so I started taking her along on outings with my new friend to make her feel better, and it worked. But it worked a little too well. Soon she started spending more and more time with us until, one day, I called my best friend, only to find that the two of them were hanging out alone. Meanwhile, my new friend had developed a crush on my best friend. Talk about feeling supplanted.

My best friend is a wonderful person. She is beautiful on both the inside and outside, and is smart and caring and funny and a good conversationalist, things I had never really had cause to be jealous of because I had my own little refuge – my group of friends, including my aforementioned new friend. However, current events caused me to feel like my tiny bit of territory was being encroached upon, and that gave birth to an acidic jealousy.

I did nothing. I told myself that as a friend, if I really loved either of them, my duty was to help them grow and make new friendships – not cut down the ones they managed to form on their own. So I said nothing and waited, which prevented my relationships from coming to harm, but burned me. Slowly, however, the situation improved. I still have all of my friends in my life. And even though I sometimes still feel that familiar feeling of jealousy welling up within me, I manage to suppress it, because I know that what I might gain by giving it expression would be less than what I’d lose – two of my best friends and a lot of love.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/daily-prompt-green-eyed-monster/

Walking in Beauty

I like trying my hand at http://figment.com/ ‘s Daily Themes from time to time. They give you a prompt, which you’re supposed to reply to in 100 words. This is my first take at poetry on Figment.

Your Daily Theme for 5/21/2013

What You Want

Characters are motivated by things that they want. These can be physical or emotional, tangible or intangible. Take five minutes and list things you want (“wealth, a passing grade in chemistry, to learn things quickly, to be admired by everyone I meet, to beat the next level of Candy Crush…”), then pick one of those desires. Write a brief scene or poem about a person who has that thing. How is he different from you? What does she want?

“She walks in beauty” was never more true

She walks with the confidence beauty doth imbue

People such as her with.

She stands tall and proud and

Looks every woman and man

In the eye. She can

Instill utter insecurity

Or speak her mind with impunity,

She is always forgiven.

One aspect makes life

Far easier in compare;

Things and people

From attraction cannot forbear.

Confidence leads to things

Such as success in travails;

Growing wings

That take her to new heights,

Lead her past crags

To peaks undiscovered

Or maybe unreachable.

Not to her,

But to me

For I walk not in beauty.

Link to my poem on Figment:

http://figment.com/books/642958-Walking-in-Beauty