While I Cry

                                                                                                                                 ~

I know I love you

But, dear, when it comes to you

I’m never sure why.

~

Nor, it seems, are you.

But, dear, when it comes to that,

I’m too scared to push.

~

You love me, you say

But, dear, it scares me so much

Hearing what I need.

~

I try explaining

But, dear, when it’s said to you,

Words always fall short.

~

I take time to trust

But, dear, when it came to you,

I forgot briefly.

~

My voice stumbles, falls,

And, dear, I fear it happens,

You misunderstand.

~

Meant as confession,

You take offense, but that was

Not ever what I meant.

~

You are everything

I prayed for all those long years

When I had nothing.

~

You, my dear, all that

Never seemed possessable

But, dear, I was wrong.

~

I have told you this

But, dear, so have too many more.

I’m too weak to shout.

~

You first, you tell me.

Belief comes harder than trust

So I fear to call

~

In fear of the day

I rely to no reply

So please forgive me.

~

I want to share all

But I’m not half who you are –

I cannot lose you.

~

You’re leaving too soon

What will I do without you?

No one else loves me.

~

My sweet, sweet heart, love,

You’ve restored crushed hope, I thought

But now I wonder

~

Was it therapy

Or an anti-depressant?

I will find out soon.

~

I want to beg you

And elicit promises

But bondage breeds fight.

~

Repression always,

Now I see regression too.

Old cures come to mind.

~

It is a dark road

One I’ll make sure you won’t see

For whose good, can’t say.

~

Don’t fault my brusqueness

I use it like lavender

Or as reminders.

~

I want you to know

With absolute assuredness

That, dear, you are loved;

~

If even you take

A thing from me, from our years,

That it be just this.

~

You are loved, my dear.

You are my role model, dear.

You are beautiful.

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Feeling Supplanted

Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Monster

Tell us about the last time you were really, truly jealous of someone. Did you act on it? Did it hurt your relationship? 

Photographers, show us something GREEN.

The first definition I found of the word ‘jealous’ online may not be the best, but it describes what it means to me perfectly.

Jealous: Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.

It’s a difficult thing to find people in this world to love and who love you in return. I had recently connected with someone on a very deep level; I felt almost as if we were one person. My best friend was going through her own problems at the time and was very lonely, so I started taking her along on outings with my new friend to make her feel better, and it worked. But it worked a little too well. Soon she started spending more and more time with us until, one day, I called my best friend, only to find that the two of them were hanging out alone. Meanwhile, my new friend had developed a crush on my best friend. Talk about feeling supplanted.

My best friend is a wonderful person. She is beautiful on both the inside and outside, and is smart and caring and funny and a good conversationalist, things I had never really had cause to be jealous of because I had my own little refuge – my group of friends, including my aforementioned new friend. However, current events caused me to feel like my tiny bit of territory was being encroached upon, and that gave birth to an acidic jealousy.

I did nothing. I told myself that as a friend, if I really loved either of them, my duty was to help them grow and make new friendships – not cut down the ones they managed to form on their own. So I said nothing and waited, which prevented my relationships from coming to harm, but burned me. Slowly, however, the situation improved. I still have all of my friends in my life. And even though I sometimes still feel that familiar feeling of jealousy welling up within me, I manage to suppress it, because I know that what I might gain by giving it expression would be less than what I’d lose – two of my best friends and a lot of love.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/daily-prompt-green-eyed-monster/