The Real Problem: Trust in Judgement

Daily Prompt: Keep Out

July 9, 2013

Who is the one person you hope isn’t reading your blog? Why?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us OUTSIDE.

Oh ho ho this is a good ‘un. Who do I hope isn’t reading my blog?

1. my parents

2.my siblings

3.friends who are on that fine border between friends and best friends

4. best friends

I’m guessing most people are uncomfortable with people close to them reading their blog, and that I’m not displaying alien tendencies by being so. So then I asked myself why I’m most uncomfortable showing my real thoughts and feelings to the people I’m closest to. The answer sounds like it belongs in a sale-bin-delegated self-help book. I think it’s because you care so much about the people closest to you and they mean so much to you that you’re afraid to let them down. You know them well enough to know what they approve of (or think you do) and are scared of driving them away or causing disapproval by exposing anything to the contrary. It’s also because: (a) they will judge you and (b) unlike strangers, you allow them to judge you and believe in their judgement. So basically, if they have a negative view of what you write (which, I’m assuming, comes from a place in you that people around you don’t usually see) then your self-opinion and estimation of self-worth dips. Tremendously.

So yes. I’m trying to work on gradually showing more and more people my blog. It serves the purpose of both increasing your self confidence and reducing your fear of what others think of you. It also kind of weakens that bond between your self-confidence and others’ opinions of you. Wow. Thank you Daily Post, you made me really think.

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On Goals and Garbling

Daily Prompt: Goals

When you started your blog, did you set any goals? Have you achieved them? Have they changed at all?
I started my blog on WordPress just 3 days ago. My goal is to start writing more and develop as a writer, and maybe get some external input and encouragement along the way.
I began blogging as a sort of bet with my friends. We all plan on writing blogs for a certain period of time. At the end of it, we’ll present each of the others with a list of around thirty different blogs, from which they have to guess which one ours is – that was the idea. So far, still sticking with it, but three days isn’t a lot. Who knows what might happen between now and then?
But, to be honest, even that’s not the truth – the bet might’ve been the final impetus to actually make it happen, but my actual goal as such was not a goal – it was my need to be heard.
I like talking, always have. I like it even better when I have an audience. It’s cathartic to talk your heart out to someone, and it’s nice being able to talk to people who will and can judge you solely on the basis of your thoughts, beliefs and expression.
So my blogging goals are basically still the same. To be able to think, write and be heard. But then, isn’t that everyone’s?

To New Beginnings

The title of my blog, “Wind and Laughter”, is what makes me feel most alive – what makes me me. So I went looking for the perfect place to write an alive-y post, and landed up sitting at my dining table – right smack dab in the middle of the house. (and then wondered for a moment whether that has a deeper meaning, that I feel alive only in the middle of things. Seems highly likely.) Anyway, I wanted this über-happy first post to sort of set this really happy keynote for my blog. So, cliché as it may seem, I settled for writing about beginnings.

I love to write, but, for several years now, I’ve settled for just knowing the fact that I can write. Never really found an outlet. So one day, I was just talking about writing with a friend (who also writes), and we made a sort of pact – each of us would write a blog for atleast the next semester, and, at the end, we would give each friend about 30 different blogs from which to pick out our own. So, me being typically me, I opened an account on tumblr, figment and wordpress…in the space of about a week. Started using the other two actually, then got sidetracked reblogging stuff. Yeah….so anyway, then I decided wordpress was where I’d actually write write, so now here I am. The actual beginning. Of this chapter at least.

Lemony Snicket’s “The Bad Beginning” keeps running through my head relentlessly as I write this (some things just demand to be written down), so I will, to use the phrase, pen one of his quotes down.

“Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.” 
― Lemony Snicket, The Beatrice Letters

As I write this, I’m smiling to think how much I’ve changed as a person – almost ten years ago,  I opened a diary my best friend at the time had given me with another of Lemony Snicket’s quotes: “The sad truth is that the truth is sad.” Although maybe I give myself too much credit – time and circumstances are probably to thank for soothing old wounds. And for being kind enough to give me enough good to make me see life with bright eyes again.

I want to feel alive again. I want to feel in control and in charge of my life. I want to be happy and help happiness multiply, as overstated an aim as that may be. But I will try. So here’s to new beginnings and happiness. And to life.